Isn't it beautiful when we fall apart

On the long drive from Raegan's 1st day of school back to our home God spoke to me with this song: "We Fall Apart" The worlds on fire but we're all smiling Though it's all our fault But life is short so we resort to laughing through it all It's the battle within the good and the sin With both sides standing strong It's the permanent scars How broken we are It's the things that hurt us all But isn't it beautiful The way we fall apart It's magical and tragic all the ways we break our hearts So unpredictable We're comfortably miserable We think we're invincible Completely unbreakable And maybe we are Isn't it beautiful The way we all fall apart You're a liar but I'm a coward so I can't throw a stone We're so imperfect but so worth it because we're not alone It's the wars that we wage, the lives that we take For better or for worse It's the lion we cage, the love and the rage That keeps us wanting more But isn't it beautiful The way we fall apart It's magical and tragic all the ways we break our hearts So unpredictable We're comfortably miserable We think we're invincible Completely unbreakable And maybe we are But isn't it beautiful The way we all fall apart The world is dark but all it takes your love to spark To set my heart on fire once again But isn't it beautiful The way we fall apart Isn't it beautiful oh, isn't it wonderful The way we fall apart It's magical and tragic all the ways we break our hearts So unpredictable We're comfortably miserable We think we're invincible Completely unbreakable And maybe we are But isn't it beautiful The way we all fall apart Isn't it beautiful The way we fall apart And I just started to realize that we always try to "get all settled in" or "put everything in order." We think that we are capable and in control of piecing together our lives. We left our home state of Texas and ventured out on our own to Oklahoma soon after we got married. We lived in Moore for 5 years during this short time we began our careers, purchased our first home, joined a church & small group, brought a beautiful baby girl into this world (3-24-09), made new friends, served our community through volunteering, enjoyed festivals & all the benefits of living near a big city, and we brought a wonderful baby boy into this world (11-16-12). We were very busy, but also so very blessed. We had the BEST neighbors anyone could ever ask for. A wonderful church with great events and activities. Great workplaces with people we could trust and enjoyed working with. Life was grand! That was until May 20, 2013, a day I'll never ever forget and one that even nearly 100 days later still brings me to tears to think of. On that day our pretty little puzzle was torn to pieces. We were very fortunate not to lose any family or close friends or even significant possessions, but the emotional toll and fear it caused is still unexplainable. We had concerned loved ones, friends, church members, and coworkers reaching out to help us during that time. After staying the night with strangers the night of 5/20, we made it to our home the next morning to pack a few diapers and snacks and Philip dropped the kids and I off at our dear friends' home in Norman. They had a generator and that way we wouldn't have to spend the day alone in our hot home without power and so that Philip could take the only car we had at the time to work. Laura was so welcoming and kind to us. Her home got power just as we pulled in the driveway (isn't God awesome). She fed Raegan and I took a hot shower as I still had mud caked onto my legs from the day before. We sat snacking on dark chocolate for breakfast and nursing our baby boys while we watched Mickey Mouse and Bubble Guppies because the news was too terrifying for Raegan (4) and Mason(2)to see. While I was there Philip called to check on us and to tell me that we were moving to Texas. Philip had applied to become the Operator of the Chick-fil-A in Weatherford, TX on October 25, 2012 and we had been waiting to hear if he had been selected, but knew we might not know until July 1. However this wasn't the first thought that crossed my mind. I thought he didn't want to ever have to go through what we went through the day before and he had come up with some solution to just move to Texas. Then I think he said, yes Tony just called... I knew then it was for real and Philip had been selected as the Operator for the Chick-fil-A in Weatherford and we were going to move to Texas just like we had been praying for! Laura said congratulations and gave me a hug and I was happy for a breif moment. Then I looked around at how we were living out of a recyclable grocery bag with diapers, wipes, a change of clothes, rice cakes and a jar of peanut butter and thought how am I suppose to move right now. What about my pieces here, what about my friends, what about grief and mourning, how do I answer all of Raegan's questions, what about work, all these questions swirled around in my head and I was confused. Philip called back later that day to ask me about making a offer on a home in Weatherford and I told him I didn't know, whatever he wanted to do was fine. I look back and feel bad for placing so much responsibility on Philip's shoulders during that next month. I was too confused to make decisions, all I cared about was that my babies were with me and that we were safe. For the next two weeks I worked on cleaning our house and starting to pack during the day and then went to the Hilgenfeld's to sleep at night in their finished attic. I always kept a very close watch on the weather and weather forecasts. Mike and Susan have a large underground storm shelter and Susan was always so kind to warn me of any hint of severe weather and invite us over, I always accepted. So I turned to survival mode and making decisions for that day, one day at a time. Its all I could handle. People would ask me what are you going to do when you move to Weatherford? When are you going back to work? Are you going to send Raegan to a new daycare? Do you want to bring Raegan to work? Do you want to work in Fort Worth? What kind of carpet do you want to put in your home in Moore? What do you want to pack first? What roofer should we use? on and on so many decisions I didn't want to have to make and didn't, I let Philip make all the decisions and just told him I didn't know. He took care of everything, carpet installers, roofers, fence repair, making offers on new homes, bringing home meals, ordering a pod, scheduling a uhaul, finding a storage building, everything...all while still running a business in Norman and I just held my babies and tried not to cry too much, because then Raegan would ask why I was crying. Anyways, our sweet little puzzle had fallen apart and I couldn't put it back together. What I couldn't see yet was that on 5/21/13, the Lord reached down and said to us, here's a new puzzle, take my hand and I will help you put it together. Oh what mercy and grace He has given us! So today we are living in Weatherford, TX, perhaps the friendliest place on Earth, even if the city is "stuck back in time." Raegan started pre-K and we joined a church. I joined MOPS and have already met some new moms who happen to have recently moved from Oklahoma too! Philip brought a few employees with him from Norman, but the existing team here is terrific! Philip has new challenges at work and the resources he needs to solve them. I've been able to work from home part time and still enjoy spending time with the kids. We still keep in touch with our friends in Oklahoma and hope to go back and visit them soon. We try to get out and swim in the backyard every evening and get done just in time to watch the deer come out to graze in our front yard at sunset. We have a long list of home improvement projects and to-do lists, but are letting God help us put our lives back together instead of trying to do it all ourselves. I think this puzzle is going to turn out beautiful!